Single and cool with it!

You meet a girl, you like that girl, you tell your friends that there is this girl that you like and every one of your friend(well, almost) reacts in the same way ‘Oh, that is good.. Go ahead… make a move… ask her out… do something… she can be your girlfriend’. ‘If you  like a girl, you are supposed to try for her even if you have met her just once’ is like some new rule. Why is it so important that I try for the girl just after I have met her once? Why is it important that I make some move ASAP? Why do I have to decide right now if I want her to become my girlfriend? ‘Hey, you have to call her or ping her within three days dude.’ says a friend and on retorting that I don’t understand this shitty rule he replies ‘Hey its the Barney Stinson rule!’ Well, OK THEN!

We have come to accept this thing that if you like a girl then you immediately have to start trying for her and start flirting with her. People react in such impossibly shocking way when you say that you just want to be friends with that girl that I think it is the most stupidest thing to say EVER. ‘You wanna be friends with her? Why? But she is pretty? But you like her?’. Some even go at length to say ‘par ladka aur ladki kabhi dost nahi ho sakte be!’ and I really wanna slap them in the face. Please! A guy and a girl can easily be friends and stay that way. May be, MAY BE, they can’t be the bestest of friends but they surely can be friends. I think these people hear ‘love’ when I say ‘like’ a girl cause for me liking a girl is really no big deal. Especially when you have just met the girl once in which case you don’t know much about her and you don’t actually like the girl but you just like the idea of her. If you start going after every girl you like, how can you stay friends with girls? Its stupid! At least wait to be sure if you really wanna be in a relationship with her before you try to make a move or whatever it is that you are gonna do.

I don’t understand why it is so important to go after a girl or why it is so important to be in a relationship? Why is it so important that I find some girl and be in a relationship with her? Why do I have to be in a relationship with some girl? Moreover, why does everyone wants me to be in a relationship? Why do WE want everybody to be in a relationship? ‘Oh, you are single, go find some girl and be in a relationship with her!’ Why isn’t single cool? Being judged for being single is the new thing it seems, however small thing it might be. People judge you if you are single and if not then there is at the least this admiration for people who are in a relationship, no matter how shitty their relationship might be. May be this is just me. Studying in a engineering college and that too in  I.I.T. where boy to girl ratio is 10 to 1 and way more less if you look at some particular department, that is the view you tend to develop. People who are in a relationship are the ‘dudes’ in my college. ‘Hey that guy is awesome, you know? Have you seen his girlfriend?’ is how people refer to the idiots in our college. People who are in a relationship are respected so much that people who are single are subconsciously looked at as nobody or losers. It’s not bad to be in a relationship but it is in no way bad to be single either.

What I am not comfortable with is the idea that you should have a go at every girl that you meet and like; that every time you meet some girl and like her, you should question yourself if you want to be in a relationship with her and if you feel even a little bit inclined to it you should get her phone number, friend her on facebook, ping her, message her, and constantly try for her till she gives up and starts liking you or till she friendzones you. Well that seems to be the way people get into a relationship these days. It’s sort of funny to me that people who have known each other for like 4-5 weeks get into a relationship. I mean I don’t even consider someone as a good friend if i have know them for that short period of time. (May be that is why I am single. :P)

My idea of relationship is very old school, I suppose. You meet some girl, you become friends, you spend more time together, you become good friends, you go through the ups and downs of life together(as friends) and then may be somewhere along the way fall in love with each other. Too filmy? Too kuch kuch hota hai, jaane tu ya jaane na, Hum Tum type filmy? I know! I am not saying this is the best way to fall in love. This is just one way. My point is one shouldn’t think about being in a relationship with every girl they like. It is okay to be single. Not every time you meet some girl that you like, do you need to ask yourself if you wanna be in a relationship with her? Being single is cool! And wanting to be single is way more cooler!

PS: I am sorry if I have gone off the limits in some places and if this offends someone. Please let me know if it does. 😛 I may have said too much in some places some of it might not even be true like the statement “People who are in a relationship are respected so much that people who are single are subconsciously looked at as nobody or losers.” but it was just too much emotions flowing. 🙂

Advertisements

Let’s share our silence

Since the past few days I have found myself in situations with people who don’t appreciate silence much. Everyone wants something or other to be said. They need some topic on which they can share their opinion and views. It is really hard for people to be in company of others and not talk or just remain silent. Even when most people are silent, in their mind they are thinking of some interesting topic to talk about. This happens more while talking to some girl. They can’t stand even two minutes of silence. On a long drive in a taxi from Lower Parel to Carter’s Road with 5 people squeezed in a taxi of 4, after spending a long and tiring evening, a friend declares to others that they all are boring as hell as they all have been silent since the past two minutes. Two minutes of silence had bored her. TWO MINUTES! I didn’t know what to say to her!

People now-a-days have really low threshold for getting bored. My 13 year old brother is bored when the he isn’t allowed to use the computer to use facebook and play farmville. Once a journey to a hill station, I was looking out of the car and admiring the scenic beauty while beside me he was cringing and twisting and constantly complaining how boring the trip was. I am not saying that he should look outside of the car and think of the big philosophical questions of life and all that stuff  but getting bored comes very easily these days. Not in front of computer, laptop, mobile – bored; on a train journey and mobile battery down – bored; sitting with a friend but out of things to talk about – bored. I don’t understand people’s need to constantly keep talking about things!

Silence is good. You don’t always have to be talking when you are with someone. It is okay to sit with someone and just be silent, to have a coffee with someone and not keep thinking about an interesting topic to talk. Even close friends are most times not comfortable with silences. The constant ‘So, what else’ is so fucking irritating while talking to someone that it puts me off and I don’t even feel like talking to that person after that. Once or twice is okay but if you keep saying ‘aur bata’ every 2 minutes, let us just not talk. People have this constant need to talk about something or the other. Its like silence is killing them in some way. They sometimes don’t even let you finish your side of the story. You are just about to add something more to the topic you have been talking about but in that 10 seconds of silence, they have already asked you what else is going on in your life and then you don’t even feel like talking about it anymore.

One of the biggest reason that people hate silence and are constantly looking for some topic to keep the conversation going is that if you can’t continuously talk to someone, then you are a bore. People these days are very quick to judge others. 5 minutes in the conversation and if there is more than 90 seconds of continuous silence, people wouldn’t like to talk to you after that. It is like every conversation they are having is supposed to be an entertaining session. It is like when they go to watch a movie in theater and if there is nothing interesting going on for five minutes, people take their mobile out of their pockets and start tweeting or Whatsapping or checking their facebook notifications. I feel so weird thinking that when I am talking to someone all they are interested in is being entertained like I am some sort of stand-up comedian.

I am comfortable with silence. I am okay with not saying anything when I am out of things to say. I can handle two-three minutes of silence. It is only when you are silent can you find another topic to talk about, right? Or do you guys make a list of ‘interesting topics to talk about’ and then choose a topic immediately after you finish talking about something. I am comfortable with silence and seriously if you are not than go ahead and start some interesting topic of conversation instead of repeatedly saying ‘what else’.

Honestly I don’t even feel comfortable around people with whom I can’t share some silence with. The sort of people who constantly need to talk don’t gel along well with me. And when you are constantly looking for things to talk about, the conversation stops being fun and starts feeling like a duty. A conversation should be easy going.

The fun in talking with people is not when you keep on looking for interesting things to talk about but when you can talk about anything. Sometimes when you are talking to someone it is so good cause there is this flow in your conversation and you don’t have to try hard to find something to talk about. That is a good conversation. I am not saying that you can have that with everyone but you should at the least have that sort of conversation with your close friends. And if at times, you don’t have anything to talk about than just stay quiet. It is okay to stay silent. After all, Silence is golden, right? Enjoy it. Savor it.

 

PS: I just had this feeling and I blogged it down without thinking much. Also, whoever is reading this article(that one friend of mine who is) please don’t take this in an offensive way cause this is not about you. This is a general opinion that I have about other people. Also, constructive criticism, PLEASE! 🙂

Bad things stick and good things are taken for granted

Like a month ago, I was showing a friend around my college campus and he was really amazed on seeing my campus. He was all like “Wow man! This is amazing! You have so many brilliant facilities and opportunities. It must be so amazing to live here and have all these facilities available for you.” The whole time he kept on saying that I was lucky and that I had it so much better. Well, my college is really good with many facilities like Lawn Tennis Courts, swimming pool, football field, cricket field, hockey field, basketball courts and well many such facilities. The campus is spread over some 500 acres. Watching him get all excited on seeing the campus, I remembered the day when I first set into the campus and saw all of this myself. I was so happy and so overwhelmed that I was going to study in such an amazing place that I kept on boasting about it to whoever would listen. No, boasting about my college is not the intention of this blog. My point is that I have this whole amazing campus in my life but I had completely forgotten about how ‘lucky’(as my friend pointed out even though I didn’t feel lucky) I actually was. I had taken this for granted. That is what we all do, don’t we? Taking things for granted?

Even though I know the lesson that one should not take things for granted and be grateful for what we have, I tend to forget it. I tend to remember the bad things that happen to me and keep on forgetting the good things that are silently going on in my life and for which I should be really glad if not thankful. The sad part is that this happens to me more than it should. When I am depressed or going through a bad phase, all I can think of is the bad things that are going on in my life. I think there is this thing where all the bad things are attracted to you if you are depressed. When depressed, I start worrying about every single thing that is going wrong in my life even the ones which are not worth it like the fact that I am not able to wake up early every morning is not a depressing thing but something that needs work and motivation but there are times when this makes me feel sadder than it should.

In our quest for something better, in our greed for more, we constantly keep on forgetting what we have and take things for granted. We forget that even though life is going bad, this is just a phase and this does not define our life or us. If we start being contended for the things that we have, we can lead a happy life though this in no way means that we should not have any desires. Desire is the fuel of life and it is important to always want something as that helps us to look forward in life. But now and then, when the pressure is just too much to handle and you are feeling down, remembering that life is good and there are things to be grateful for is really important. Taking things for granted is normal but what we need to work on is remembering that we tend to do that and work towards valuing them more.