‘Why are you so hard?’ she almost screamed out of frustration. He wished it was meant in a sexual way. Although that would have been embarrassing, but it would be easy to explain or deal with. This was not meant in that way. She meant it in a personal sense. She was frustrated with him. It was so tough to figure him out. He wouldn’t open up, he wouldn’t talk much, he wouldn’t share his feelings with her and still he would act like it was her fault. She had given him a birthday gift which had been the toughest thing to do for her since she had decided to date him. It was actually the first time, in their 8 month relationship, that she had realized how she didn’t know him that well and how the entire relationship was just one sided. She was investing it all in the relationship. It was like if a book was written on their relationship, you could call it her biography. She was surprised to realize it and also felt a little bad thinking that she was overshadowing the relationship. She didn’t like it. Only later she realized that it was his nature and not her fault. He didn’t like to talk much about himself and his likes and dislikes. It was all about her. She had, after much struggle, found something for him. She had known that he loved cricket so she decided to give him a book that had the story of his favorite cricket player. She had found about the book and heard good things about it. She thought he would love it and would be really excited about it. But he reacted in such a bad way that she just wanted to kick him in the groin and storm out. She didn’t though. She stayed. Not only that, she had cooked him his favorite delicacy Chicken Tikka but when he saw it he commented that he was in the mood for some pasta today. She couldn’t take it anymore. Why was it so hard to make him happy? He made her so happy at times and she wanted to reciprocate it by doing something nice for him but she always failed. And today, when she thought she was about to be successful in making him happy and giving him a good birthday gift, he appears to have not liked it. She couldn’t take it anymore. ‘Why are you so hard?’ she repeated, not screaming this time but genuinely asking. ‘Why are you so difficult to please? Why couldn’t you be happy at the fact that I cooked for you knowing that I never cook for anyone? Why can’t you understand that you don’t talk much and you are not the expressive kind of person and that makes it harder to shop for you? Why can’t you appreciate the effort that I make? Why is it hard to make you happy?’ She just gave in. Letting it all out. She just couldn’t keep it all in.
He stood there listening to her patiently. He knew what she meant. He had understood it when she said it the first time. He already knew he wasn’t easy to be with. Also, that he was a very insecure person and found it hard to discuss his life and secrets with others. There was only one person whom he could actually tell all his secrets to and that had taken him many years to be able to do so. In that perspective, she was very new to him and although he loved her (or at least thought so) he couldn’t just tell her things about him. He just couldn’t; not that he didn’t want to but he just couldn’t. Her final sentence was the last nail in the coffin. The moment she said, ‘Why is it hard to make you happy?’ he knew she was the girl for him. He was a much screwed up person. He wouldn’t tell people what he wanted (mainly because he himself didn’t know) but he would expect them to understand it. He was like that and he knew it.
He thought for a moment before replying. He carefully thought of what he would say because he knew that it would matter and it had to be perfect so as he doesn’t lose her. He really didn’t want to lose her. He contemplated a few things, gathered his thoughts and spoke in the earnest possible way he could. ‘I am sorry’ he started, ‘I am sorry that I disappointed you today and I am sorry that I make it so tough for you. I know that I am messed up and I know that I am tough to get along with and I can’t imagine how frustrating it must be to be in a relationship with someone and not know what they think or feel most of the time.’ He stopped for a moment to gauge her reaction but she didn’t react. She was listening very intently may be saving everything she had to say for the end. He continued nevertheless, ‘It has been very tough living like this. I don’t trust people very often and I don’t feel comfortable confiding in them all my secrets and likes and dislikes. Some times that is because I don’t think the other person will appreciate it but most of the times it is because I don’t think the other person will respect it. I am a weird person with not-so-normal likes and dislikes and I have always thought that keeping your secrets to yourself is better than telling it to people. I know I don’t talk much and that must be hard and disappointing for you. Till now I have only trusted one person with my life because no one else came close enough and no one else seemed interested. But that seems to be changing. I would like to share my life with you. I would like to give my all to this relationship. I feel like talking to you and sharing my life with you. You seem to understand things which no one else does. You seem to care. Very few people in my life have tried to understand me and cared for me. You seem to be one of them. I don’t want to lose this. I want to hold on to this” he trailed off. “I don’t want to lose you. I love you’ he added before she could say anything. She looked at him and waited for him to stare back into her eyes. He felt ashamed and was nervously looking down. Very slowly, he looked up into her eyes. She looked into his eyes and saw it. She saw the love. She knew it was true love. He looked at her with expectant eyes. ‘I love you too, you fool’ she said and moved forward to kiss him. He kissed her back. Nothing more needed to be said. All the feelings, all the emotions, everything was conveyed in that kiss. Kisses after fights are the most passionate ones and this one was no exception. They kissed till they could; only stopping to breathe.