कितना आसान होता है – Privilege, a poem

कितनी आसानी से लोग कह देते है
“चिंता करके कुछ नही होनेवाला| जो हो गया है उसे स्वीकार कर लो”
कभी कभी लगता है,
भगत सिंह ने भी ग़ुलामी बस स्वीकार कर लेनी चाहिए थी|

या जब लोग कहते है
“जो हो रहा है वो उतना बुरा भी नही है”
तो समझ नही आता
की जितना बुरा है, वो भी क्यों सहे|

अपने महफूज़ घर में बैठकर,
मलमल के बिस्तर पे लेटकर,
आराम से कह देना
“सब ठीक हो जाएगा”
कितना आसान होता है|

जब तक हमे तकलीफ नही पोहोच रही
जब तक हमे असुविधा नही हो रही
जब तक हमारे अपनों की जान खतरे में नही है-
शांत रहना,
स्थिरता रखना,
क्तिना आसान होता है|

भारत में रहकर
मुसल्मानो की तकलीफो को अनदेखा कर देना
कितना आसान होता है|
एक आदमी होकर
औरतो पे होनेवाले शोषण को अनदेखा कर देना
कितना आसान होता है|

पर किसी और देश में जब भारतीयों पे हमला होता है,
तब न जाने उन्हें अनदेखा करना
क्यों आसान नही होता है|
जब अपने घर की औरतो पे कोई बुरी नज़र डाले,
तब न जाने उसे बस भूल जाना
क्यों आसान नही होता है|

काश दुसरो के लिए सहानूभूति रखना
भी आसान होता|
काश दुसरो की दिक्कतों को समझना
थोड़ा आसान होता|

और समझ नही पाए
तो कम से कम
उनकी मुश्किलो को यूँ धुत्कारना और अनदेखा कर देना
काश इतना आसान नहीं होता|

Ek aur raat

एक और रात
यूँ ही गुज़र गयी |
ना तुमने याद किया
ना हमने गुस्ताखी की |

फिर दिल की बात
लफ्ज़ो पे आके रुक गयी |
ना तुम समझ पाएं
ना हमने कोशिश की |

तुमसे मिलने आएं
दिल ने कई बार दरख्वास्त की |
पर ना ग़म मान पाये
ना अश्क़ो ने मंज़ूरी दी |

आँखें बंद कर हम सो गए
सोचा सुबह ज़िन्दगी एक नयी करवट लेगी |
पर ना नसीब बदल पाएं
ना मजबूरियाँ बदली |

 

In English script:

Ek aur raat
Yun hi guzar gyi.
Na tumne yaad kiya,
Na humne gustaakhi ki.

Fir dil ki baat
Lafzo pe aake ruk gyi.
Na tum samajh paayein
Na humne koshish ki.

Tumse milne aaye
Dil ne kai baar darkhwast ki.
Par na gham maan paaye
Na ashqo ne manzoori di.

Aankhe band kar hum so gye
Socha subah zindagi ek nayi karwat legi.
Par na naseeb badal paayein
Na majbooriyaa badli.

उन्होंने कहा “तुम हमे याद नही करते”

प्यार को दिखावे की ज़रूरत क्यूँ होती है?
क्या हमारी आँखों में तुम्हे प्यार दिखाई नही देता?

सबूत क्या दे तुम्हे अपने प्यार का
क्या लम्हों की ख़ामोशी में तुम्हे प्यार सुनाई नही देता
?

माना हर पल तुम्हे याद नही करते
लेकिन हर पल दिल में तुम्हारी यादें होती है |

तो क्या हुआ जो इज़हार नही करते
तुमसे मिलने पे
, चेहरे पर एक चमक सी होती है |

***

आज़मा के देख लो
तुम्हारे लिए कुछ भी कर जाएंगे |

चाहे तो जान मांग के देख लो
मना नही कर पाएंगे
|

कोई ना कहे
तो क्या सच
, सच नही होता?

बस याद नही किया,
तो क्या प्यार, प्यार नही होता?

 

 

Note: People close to me complain a lot that I don’t call or message or stay in touch. It’s like a defect. I don’t know what to do about it. This poem is dedicated to all of them especially my sister Disha and my brother Sahil. And to all my friends who have this complain about my behaviour. I know it must be tough to deal with me. So thank you for sticking around and calling me and messaging me and staying in touch.

बेगाने

न तुमने हमसे कुछ कहा
न हमने तुमसे कुछ कहा
सब कुछ अजनबियों से कहने लगे
अपनों और अजनबियों में अब फरक ही कहा रहा
|

अधूरी बातें अधूरी रह गयी
अनकही बातो को तो वक़्त ही न मिला ;
सब कुछ कह गया तुम्हारा ज़मीर
हमारी खामोशी को तो मौका ही न मिला
|

बेबस जज़्बात मेरे, मजबूरी में धस गए
दिल की कश्ती को कोई किनारा न मिला ;
बेचैन अफ़सोस मेरे लावारिस हो चले
तुम्हारे चैन
सुकून को लेकिन, उनका ठिकाना न मिला |

गीले शिकवे भी अब किस काम के
इनपे अब हमारा कोई हक़ ही न रहा ;
ये सब तो रिश्तो के नतीजे है
यहाँ तो अब कोई रिश्ता ही न रहा
|

***

अजीब हो चला है वक़्त
हम ज़ाया कर रहे है
,
फिर भी ये बीत नही रहा ;

ज़िन्दगी भी सस्ती हो चली है
हम खर्च कर रहे है
,
पर कोई खरीद नही रहा |

 

इश्क भी बदल रहा है करवट
पहले खुशिया ही खुशिया थी
अब दर्द के सिवा कुछ दिख नही रहा

तुम भी बेगाने से लगने लगे हो अब
पहले तुम्हारी आदतें सही लगती थी
अब तुम्हारी हरकतें
, दिल समझ नही पा रहा |

 

रिश्ते भी कितने अजीब होते है

किसी के साथ प्यार से ज़िन्दगी बिताने की कोशिश करो
तो सालों तक इंसान कोशिश ही करता रह जाता है ;
और उसी इंसान को ज़िन्दगी से निकालने की कोशिश करो
तो कभी कभी ज़िन्दगी भर उस एक इंसान को भुला नही पाता है
|

***

अब क्या नाम दे तुम्हे, समझ नही आ रहा

दोस्तकह नही पा रहे,
दुश्मनदिल को भा नही रहा ;
अनजानेतुम हो नही,
और अजनबीदिल बुला नही पा रहा |

शायद ‘बेगाना’ बुलाना सही रहेगा तुम्हे
क्यूंकि अपना अब तुम्हे कह नहीं सकते ;
बेगाना कहने में भी लेकिन एक अपनापन है
जो चाहे भी तो हम बदल नही सकते
|

Death, the dead and our awkward silences.

“I think we forget things if we have no one to tell them to.”

I have seen Lunchbox but I had totally forgotten this piece of gem in it. I came across this recently on twitter again and it stuck me.

It’s so true! It is also one of the biggest fears that I have – that I will forget things just because I don’t talk to anyone about them.

Death and the dead.

My mother passed away 4 years ago. But I never talk about it to anyone. I don’t actually know why but I don’t like talking to people about it. We, as a society, have such a bad and depressing attitude to death that it just feels like we are doing something wrong. Whenever we hear someone lost someone close to them, our first reaction is ‘Oh, I’m sorry’ and there is no further reaction post that. We don’t like to talk about death. We don’t like to talk about the dead. No one does. We just avoid the topic. If someone among my friends ever by mistake bring up my mother or death in any conversation, they suddenly say sorry and change the conversation. I don’t understand it and still, I am a part of this. I don’t like to talk about my mother. I don’t tell about it to anyone. I haven’t told my closest friends about it. I just don’t like the sympathy and awkwardness that comes with it. I think we have a very poor and unclear way of dealing with death. We sympathise for a second and then we are afraid to ever bring it up. Why is that? Is it because the person will start crying? Or is it because you don’t want to remind them of the loss? Why do we avoid talking about the dead? What is the worst that could happen?

Some people do it right, though. I remember when I told my girlfriend about it. We were on our first date and I had no intention of bringing it up. I didn’t want to seem like I was trying to gain sympathy by saying that. (See, this is what I think is wrong with us. Why would it make me feel like ‘sympathy beggar’?) But we somehow landed on the topic. And I didn’t want to lie to her. I really liked her and I didn’t want to screw it up by being dishonest. Plus, I had a feeling she would take it right. So I told her. I told her how much I loved my mother and how much it hurt to have lost her. I told her how pathetically lost I have been since her; how she was everything to me and how loss of the most important person affects you. I remember when I started saying that to her, she held my hand throughout. When I was done telling her everything, I had tears in my eyes and I remember she hugged me and kissed me on the cheek. I am not saying every girl should kiss me when I tell them I have lost my mother but am I wrong to say we seriously lack compassion? What she did felt good. To tell someone your worst loss and have them understand and respond in an appropriate way, feels good.

This has been one of the worst thing to happen to me. I don’t know if anything will top this. Death and loss is difficult to deal with. And with the mentality that we have in our society, it just gets tougher and tougher. I don’t know why I hide it from everyone but I would like to stop doing that. Only if people stopped looking at me with sympathy and had a little more compassion, it would be easier. I have never blogged about this either. I have never posted about this on facebook or twitter. I don’t like to publicise that I am an orphan (with a father). I don’t like to be reminded of that. But I have this constant fear that I will forget details about her as I don’t talk to anyone about her. I don’t want to do that.

So here I am, talking about my mother who I lost a little over 4 years ago. I loved her. She taught me everything – from being patient, understanding, compassionate, loving to being smart, passionate and human. ‘Never shout at your brother and sister when they do something wrong,’ she used to tell me. ‘The whole world will criticize and blame them when they make a mistake. This is the time when they need you the most.’ I have tried to live up to it. ‘Always put family first. They matter the most no matter what they are and how they behave, family is all we have got.’ I remember this and try to live by it in life’s most mundane activities like making sure that my uncle(who is divorced and a loner) is not being left alone when we go to attend weddings because she used to make sure of that. I try to do things that she did and live by her principles and lessons.

I see my sister taking care of the family and I think of my mother. I think of how proud she would be of her. The way my sister takes care of everyone, talks to everyone in the family, makes them understand each others point, tries to sort out the fights that we all keep having – I think of how my mother should have been alive to see her grow into a woman. My mother worried so much about her, I wish she could see how much of her is left behind in my sister.

I see my little brother taking care of my granny and I think of my mother. I think of how happy she would have been to see him be so responsible and grown up even though he is just 15. I think of how much she is missing. I see my brother respecting other girls in his class; I see him do good in school; when his school teachers tell me he can do better in study, it doesn’t bother me but I am the proudest person when they tell me he is the most sincere, respectful and decent student in the class. I take pride in the fact that my mother’s values are not lost. She is the one who inculcated all the habits in him. She is the one who taught him compassion, love, empathy, respect and standing up for those who can’t do it for themselves. And she would have been so proud to see him grow into those and much more.

I miss how my mother will never be able to see how she moulded our lives. I sometimes feel sorry that she will never know how much we loved her. I miss that I will never be able to tell her that again. I miss that I will never be able to hug her and feel safe and comfort again. I miss that no one will ever believe in me and understand and love me the way she did.

People die, alright. But we don’t have to forget them. We don’t have to not talk about them. We don’t have to be afraid to shed a few tears in their memory. I wish we were not so awkward about death and the dead. I am now ashamed that I have never spoken about her to many people. And I fear I will forget her. I don’t want to forget her. I want to remember all I can about her. And the best way to remember is to keep talking, right?

I love my mother. And I miss her.

Hey There Harsha Bathija

This poem is dedicated to Harsha Bathija.
We had a fight last night and both of us said things we didn’t mean to and both of us got hurt. But we talked it out and sorted everything.

After being the Chandler in the relationship (always being immature and stupid), last night I was right for the first time(and probably the last after this blog 😛 ) and she ended up feeling silly and stupid and bad for everything. (Don’t worry, we are back to me being stupid and she being awesome)

This poem is based on one of her favorite song (Hey There Delilah) and for best effects, I recommend you hear the song while reading this :).
To me, she is Delilah and I would do everything in my power to make her happy.

Hey Harsha, this one’s for you. 🙂

Poem:

 

Hey there Harsha,
What’s it like in Borivali
I am tens of miles away
But girl don’t you at all feel silly
Oh don’t you do

Nothing can bother me as much as not talking to you
I swear it’s true

 

Hey there Harsha,
Don’t you worry about the fuck ups
I am right here no matter what happens
Give this song another listen

Close your eyes
These words are my feelings
They are my disguise
I am by your side

Oh it’s the love you have for me
Oh it’s the love you have for me
Oh it’s the love you have for me
Oh it’s the love you have for me

 

Hey there Harsha,
I know things are getting hard
But just believe me girl
Someday I’ll take you to the stars
We’ll have it good

We’ll have the life I promised you we would
My promise is good

 

Hey there Harsha,
I’ve got so many things to say
If every emotion you evoke in me
Could take my breath away

I’d have stopped breathing at all
Even more in love with you I’d fall
We’d have it all

Oh it’s the things you care to do for me
Oh it’s the things you care to do for me
Oh it’s the things you care to do for me
Oh it’s the things you care to do for me

 

This distance seems pretty far
But they’ve got phones and chats and Skype and call
I’d write to you if I had no other way

Our friends would all make fun of us
But we’ll just laugh along because
We know that none of them have had it this way

Harsha, I can promise you
That by the time the night gets through
This fight won’t bother you again
And it will go back to being the same

 

Hey there Harsha,
You be good and don’t you feel uneasy
Few more days and we’ll be done with this
And all of this will be a mystery

I love you
You know I most certainly do
You can ask your heart if you want to

Hey there Harsha,
Here’s to you
This ones for you

Just remember I love you
Always have and will always do.

I love you. You don’t.

Sometimes things look complicated
But they aren’t
You are just thinking too much.

There is no solving the problem
Cause there isn’t one
You are just making up stuff.

Sometimes you just have to let it go
Even if that seems like the toughest thing to do

Being negative won’t help anyone
And hating yourself isn’t any fun.

This is over
And that is the truth
Things never stay
The way they should

So let’s not complicate things
And be stuck in hope;

The truth of matter is simple
I love you
You don’t.

Poor Love

Love isn’t boastful
It doesn’t demand
A show;
Love believes in itself
And hopes that in this dark world,
It will glow.

Sacrifice in love often goes unnoticed
But that is the reason
You should never keep score
‘Cause love is no science,
It is a matter of heart; a necessity of life
And so much more…

love is hope

Suffering is also a part of the process
‘Cause what is love,
If it can’t endure
You can’t really blame it on anyone
‘Cause suffering is innocent
And love has no cure.

Pain is another by-product of our existence
But love is not responsible here,
It didn’t cheat or lie or trick you
But it is no innocent bystander either

It’s simple logic and plain common sense:
You bleed cause you cut
It hurts cause you care,
Poor love gets blamed
‘Cause it just exaggerates what is already there.

बदलती ज़िन्दगी

Rains

Rains

ये बारिश की बूँदें
गीली मिट्टी की खुशबू
पल पल तड़पती, बेचैन
मेरे तन्हा दिल की आरज़ू

बचपन की यादें
पहले बारिश की भिगन
माँ के हाथ के पकौड़े
रेडियो पे पुराने गानो का चलन

बेझिझक बारिश में नाचता,
मेरा मासूम बचपन
बेपरवाह खेलता, गाता
मेरे दोस्तों का संघटन

आज भी भीगने का मन करता है
पर वक़्त की कमी का बहाना होता है
जानते है मन की ख़ुशी सबसे बड़ी होती है
पर ख़ुशी से कीमती, हाथ की घडी होती है

जेब में कुछ पैसे है
बस्ते में कुछ चीज़ें है
मन में डर बीमारी का है
कंधो पे बोझ ज़िम्मेदारी का है

गीली मिट्टी की खुशबू अब भी हमको भाति है
पर कमरे से ही अब, ये बारिश सुहाती है
बचपन के बेफिक्र दिनों की कमी खलती है
पर शायद इसी तरह से, ये ज़िन्दगी बदलती है.

Because you can never go back

Those flirtatious stares I’ll never forget
They will haunt me till my last breath;
Those lingering goodbyes I’ll always regret
They will always remind me of things I should have said.

The messages I never sent, will always wait
In the drafts folder, for that moment of courage;
The kisses on forehead, will never translate
Into something more, for I am not that brave. images

The conversation in my head, will never materialize
The feelings I have, will stay there for a while
I’ll not initiate the conversation, until the moment is right
I’ll not make a hasty decision and spoil our lives.

Call me a coward or call me a fool
But I won’t cross this line;
Until I am absolutely sure
Of your feelings and of mine.

Because I don’t want to risk this
Whatever it is that we have;
Because I don’t care about the norms of the world
That tells me to do this and do that.

I will only confess my feelings
When I am absolutely sure of it;
I will only commit to things
When I am ready to risk everything.

Until then I will gulp down these feelings
And take a step back
Pretend that I don’t want you
And behave as if I lack

Emotions those are
Unbearably painful
Because well, my love,
You can never go back.