I don’t want a forever

“I don’t want your ‘forever’. They don’t last”, she interrupted me and spoiled my ‘moment’.

We were watching a romantic movie at my place and discussing how some cliches in movies are stupid and others, not so. The protagonist or rather, the guy(cause we just had an argument about how it was wrong to call the guy a protagonist as a love story involves two people) had just proposed to the girl and promised her that he would be there beside her forever. It was a cliche that movies and movie watchers are now used to. Ending a movie with a guy and girl getting together after facing all the obstacles that love brings with it and then promising forever is a nice cliche and something that people never really get bored of.

As the movie ended and the credentials rolled up the screen, we started talking about the cliche that is ‘forever’.
‘Well, that was a nice cliche’, I said.
‘I liked it as a child but I don’t enjoy it anymore. We need to grow out of it and start being realistic. We need to get out of this ‘forever’ bullshit and start teaching our kids that the future is not necessarily always happy.’
‘Well, yeah. But I like it. It is something that everyone should aspire for. Being with someone for the entire life; the promise of eternity, that kind of love is huge and the kind of stuff people should hope to achieve.’
‘I think we need to be realistic. This kind of love is difficult to exist in today’s world. With a growing percentage of population constantly breaking up and divorcing, we need to accept that the times have changed. We need to teach our kids the basic values and let them decide what kind of future they want to have.’
‘I agree but I still like this cliche. This is how love should be. Like ours. I love you and want to be with you forever. What’s wrong with th…’ I had retorted. I agree it was not the ideal setting to propose to your girlfriend but I wasn’t proposing. I was merely stating the fact. We both knew we loved each other. We hadn’t talked about marriage but we both knew that it was on the cards. We were in a happy relationship aside from the occasional moments when we couldn’t stand each other. I thought it was a forever kind of thing. And even though it was not the ideal kind of setting to say those things, I thought it would win me the argument(or discussion, as she would have corrected me). But she interrupted me and spoiled my moment.

I wanted to say something and defend myself but I didn’t know what to say. No one knows what the future holds and a ‘forever’ is just an empty promise but I still wanted to be with her till the end of time. I started to say something but she cut me off again.

‘Don’t!’ she interjected. ‘Don’t even try to convince me that we will have a forever. I am not some 13 year old who will get convinced of it. I am not a teen and I don’t want your ‘forever’s’ she vented out in frustration.

She paused for a second and took a moment to compose herself after that staunch outburst of her emotion and calmly tried to put forth her point, ‘I don’t want you to just stay with me because you once promised or because a piece of paper says so. I don’t want us to be together because getting separated would involve heartbreak or pain or some paper work. That will be disrespectful to me. If you stay with me because of a promise or because you think I wouldn’t be able to live without you, I would not be happy with that. If you are unhappy in the relationship, I don’t want you to stay. I don’t want you to resent every moment of this relationship just because of a promise you once made. We are independent adults who have lives of our own. We will survive the hardships of life. I don’t want our relationship to feel like a prison. I want you to be with me because at every moment in life, you wanted to be with me; because even in the moments when I made your life miserable, I was worth it. I don’t want a promise of forever. I want a right now.’


I was a bit shocked but not at all surprised. She was a remarkable, strong, independent woman with a mind of her own. That is what I loved about her in the first place. I loved how she could think independently and not get influenced by the society and its stupid, generations-old laws. I loved how she talked about changing the future generation by giving them the knowledge and trusting them to choose their own life. And I loved how she wanted our relationship to be honest and pure. I should have known that all these cliches that society imposes upon us wouldn’t be agreeable to  her. I understood what she was saying and my respect for her multiplied. It’ s weird how after a fight or argument or ‘discussion’, you start loving the person more. (That is if your relationship survives the fight, of course.) I leaned in towards her, smiling uncontrollably, and said, ‘Fine! Lets be together right now. Because, I love you right now’ and we kissed. That kiss making me wanting to add, ‘for all the ‘right now’s of the future’ but I resisted.


I love you like madness

crazy loveI know we are not meant to last forever
And that this will someday end;
I know the end will be painful and hard
But I still want to go ahead.
I know I’ll regret this later
That I’ll look back and curse myself;
I know that the heartbreak will be unbearable
But I still want to take this chance.

I know that logic doesn’t support this
That we are up against some difficult odds;
And I know that this is a stupid thing to do
But I want to take the jump, even if I might fall.

I want to make the mistake
I want to do this wrong
I want to feel the pain
I want to be involved.

So what if we don’t have a future?
Future is not where we live
All that matters is the now
And I know I’ll be happy, if I have you with me.

So what if there will be heartbreak and pain?
All good things end with them
We will curse when we reach the finish line
But for the path we travel, we will always be glad.

And even if everything goes wrong
Even if we are fucked up and depressed
I would still want to be with you
Because I love you like madness.

तुम बस

तुम बस एक कदम आगे तो लो, बाकी का रास्ता हम तय कर लेंगे
तुम बस नज़रे उठा के देख तो लो, आँखों ही आँखों में बातें हम कर लेंगे
तुम बस एक बार इशारा तो करो, बिन कहे सारी बातें हम समझ जायेंगे
तुम बस प्यार का इज़हार तो करो, इस दुनिया से तो हम अकेले ही लड़ जायेंगे.

तुम बस मांग के तो देखो, आसमां से तारे भी हम तोड़ लायेंगे
तुम बस एक बार चाह के तो देखो, हर चाहत को तुम्हारी हम पूरा कर दिखाएँगे
तुम बस आरज़ू बयां तो करो, सारी जन्नतें तुम्हारे कदमो में ला गिराएंगे
तुम बस प्यार कर के तो देखो, प्यार कि सारी कस्मे हम निभाएंगे.

तुम अरमान बयां तो करो, उन्हें पूरा करने का ज़िम्मा हम उठाएंगे
तुम कभी आज़मा के तो देखो, दुनिया कि सारी हद्दे हम पार कर जायेंगे
तुम कभी भरोसा कर के तो देखो, हम इस भरोसे के लिए जान भी दे जायेंगे
तुम हमपे प्यार का दाव लगा के तो देखो, तुम्हे ज़िन्दगी कि बाज़ी हम जीतवाएंगे.

तुम एक बार हाथ थाम लो, ज़िन्दगी भर का साथ हम निभाएंगे
तुम कभी अपना ग़म बाट के देखो, उसे दूर नहीं तो कम हम कर दिखाएँगे
तुम अपनी खुशियों में शामिल तो करो, उन्हें दुगना हम कर दिखाएँगे
तुम बस हम से प्यार करो, हम इसी एहसास की बदौलत ख़ुशी से मर जायेंगे.