Those flirtatious stares I’ll never forget
They will haunt me till my last breath;
Those lingering goodbyes I’ll always regret
They will always remind me of things I should have said.
The messages I never sent, will always wait
In the drafts folder, for that moment of courage;
The kisses on forehead, will never translate
Into something more, for I am not that brave.
The conversation in my head, will never materialize
The feelings I have, will stay there for a while
I’ll not initiate the conversation, until the moment is right
I’ll not make a hasty decision and spoil our lives.
Call me a coward or call me a fool
But I won’t cross this line;
Until I am absolutely sure
Of your feelings and of mine.
Because I don’t want to risk this
Whatever it is that we have;
Because I don’t care about the norms of the world
That tells me to do this and do that.
I will only confess my feelings
When I am absolutely sure of it;
I will only commit to things
When I am ready to risk everything.
Until then I will gulp down these feelings
And take a step back
Pretend that I don’t want you
And behave as if I lack
Emotions those are
Because well, my love,
You can never go back.
For my silence
That cost you
Your home, your life
For my prejudices
That robbed you
Of respect and a fair fight
For my inactions
And my cowardliness
For my excuses
And my shamelessness
I deeply and sincerely
With all my heart apologize
For my inactions had consequences
I never realized.
I’m not making excuses
There is nothing I can say that’ll suffice
But I still wanted to say sorry
To let you know that I now empathize.
Everyone makes mistakes, they said
That’s how you learn;
But some mistakes let me tell you
Are not worth the lesson learnt
Some mistakes turn into guilt
They are like scars on your heart
They constantly remind you of your mistake
Until the mistake becomes your life’s part
Nothing that I say or do
Can make things alright
Nothing I say or do
Can bring back your life
So, in my feeble attempt to cure my guilt
As a small consolation, that it was not all in vain
On my life, I promise you this
I’ll never make the same mistake again.