Love is simple.

Love isn’t complicated. Love is simple. I think (well, who am I to say anything about love but anyway) love is one of the most simplest thing in the world. Ok! May be not but it is a lot simpler than what everyone has portrayed it to be. Love is simple. It is we who complicate it. The idea of romantic love and the picture portrayed by it is what makes love complicated.

I once asked Shahrukh Khan to define love(in one of his ‘I’ll answer some of your questions now’ phases on twitter) and he replied with this: (Love is) fearlessly unconditional fondness beyond physicality.

love by srkThat is how the king of romance defines love. Simple, isn’t it?

I remember when love used to be simpler than it is today. As a child, love meant liking someone intensely. Yes, that is what love is to us when we are children(or may be it was just stupid me who thought of it in such simple ways) and well I can’t seem to be able to find anything wrong with that. That, in a nutshell, says everything about love. Earlier, people didn’t expect much from their lovers. It didn’t take much to fall in love then. If someone likes you, cares for your well being and wants the best things for you (happiness and all things good) that meant they loved you. Simple! May be that is why people didn’t make a big deal about love then and were happy with what they had and may be that is why lesser people broke up/got divorced.

But not today. Today, love is the most complicated things. Thanks to the movies, books, media and all the shitty television soaps out there people have a really weird opinion of love and a huge list of expectations from their ‘ideal lover’.  He should be handsome, intelligent, should have a sense of humor, a hot body, should be in a rock band(probably a guitarist), should be filthy rich, should be honest, decent, caring, respectful and loyal and also… should be something different, you know? Yeah right! What different do you want now? Wasn’t that exhaustive list enough? For guys it doesn’t get any simpler. She should be pretty, sweet, cute, hot, sexy, should have a sense of fashion, should be intelligent, smart, should be a social person but not very, should get along with his friends, should be able to cook and take care of the house, should have those maternal instincts and should be able to take care of him and his family and shouldn’t make him spend lot of money and also, you know, she should be someone you can take home to your mom. Just die already, why don’t you? So many expectations, so many images of the ideal one, so many things people look forward to in their ideal lover that it is logically and statistically impossible to find someone who will live up to their crazy and unrealistic standards.

A while ago, I came about this question on Quora ‘Can you love someone who doesn’t like Quora?’ and although a lot of people on Quora are sensible and replied with ‘it doesn’t matter’ I still couldn’t stop thinking about how people just keep adding things on their checklist of ideal lover without a second thought. I mean how does it really matter if some one likes Quora or not?
People have weird notions about love. They want their lovers to have the same interests as them. For example they can’t be in love with someone who doesn’t like music or reading books or watching movies and other similar things. And just having similar interests isn’t good enough. People want their lover to even like the same sub-sets or genres in those fields of interests. How can I be in love with someone who doesn’t like rock music or doesn’t watch Game of Thrones or doesn’t like to watch rom-com movies? Why is it so important that your lover has to like all the things that you enjoy? And how boring will it become after a while? The shittiest and stupidest things that one hears go something like ‘broke up because he never liked her facebook profile pic’ or ‘not together anymore because she partied a lot’.

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One other factor that has changed is that people earlier used to have lots of friends and so the expectations from a lover was less. Now, people expect everything that they should ideally expect from a friend, from their lover. If your lover doesn’t enjoy music festival, go with your friend. If your lover doesn’t enjoy watching Sex and the City or X-Men or whatever movie you want to watch, go watch it with your friend. Make more friends. You don’t have to do everything with your lover. Go out with friends. Your lover only needs to be a few things. They need to love you, be there for you during tough times, be there to celebrate your happy moments with you and stand by you no matter what. They don’t have to be a guitar player or a great cook to be your lover cause these things don’t affect your relationship in anyway except that you get to boast about it to your fake facebook friends.

Love is simple. Love has to be simple. As panda(one of my giant friend who loves food as much as Po, may be more) says ‘ Love is simple. If she can order a subway sandwich perfectly – with the right sauces and all- I’ll marry her.’ Ok! May be that is a little too much to expect from someone but you get the jest. Expect simple things from your lover – commitment, loyalty, freedom, personal space, support, care and love; don’t go into details. Love is the basic ingredient you need to make a good life. Everything else can be derived, learned and inculcated later on.

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Before sunrise

There is tiredness in staying awake all night alone. You think too much, you drink too much and you analyze too much. You worry too much, you feel lonely and you listen to sad songs; it is depressing. Being awake all night alone is an exhaustive experience and he hated it. This was so much better, he thought.

It was a clear sky. The stars were sparkling and sprinkling their magic all over the world. The sea was in a good mood. The calm waves crashed the shore from time to time without disturbing anyone. Occasionally, it would rise a little higher and crash a little louder just to remind everyone of its presence. The wind was cold and breezy but not cold enough to deserve their attention. He looked at her and was happy that tonight he wasn’t alone. They had had a lovely dinner at a nearby restaurant and decided to take a walk to the beach to keep the conversation going. Walking to the beach, neither had planned to spend the entire night there but they had just lost track of time as the conversations kept flowing. They didn’t realize that they had, not consciously but by not mentioning how late it was getting, decided to sit there till as long as they could. They talked, initially, about the everyday routine of their life. The first few hours quickly passed by talking about the usual stuff, about mutual friends and sharing funny stories from their everyday boring routine. After a while, the conversation turned a little personal. Even though they had been dating for a while now, when it came to personal stuff, their always seemed to be something they hadn’t shared with each other before. That is the thing about secrets. We all have secrets in our life and every secret requires a trust limit that needs to be crossed to be privileged enough to know it. A certain trust limit had been achieved tonight and they were willing to share a bit more of their personal life with each other – their fears, their insecurities and their worries. For some reason, sharing their secrets, their deepest fears, things that mattered the most to them didn’t seem very hard today. They both felt in sync with each other. The side of them they never shared in fear of being misjudged and thought of as weird, was shared today without a second thought. It felt good. That was the beauty of their love. Some days everything seemed perfect and some days, nothing did. Thankfully, this was the former.

The night seemed to be coming to an end. They could see the initial sign of sun in the sky. It was still dark but the sun was not far away and they knew it would be morning soon. He pause the music. They were listening to songs from her favorite playlist and staring at the endless sea for some time now. He turned towards her and stared at her. He could see an ocean of emotions in her eyes. For some strange reason he couldn’t put his finger on, she looked more beautiful in that moment than any moment ever, as far as he could remember. The wind was playing with her hair and complimenting her beauty. He wondered what it was about the night that made her look so beautiful. May be it was the moonlight falling on her face or the stars twinkling in her eyes or the smile of contentment and joy that staring into the infinite sea brought to her face or maybe it was a combination of it all, he thought. After a few seconds, she realized that the music had stopped. She turned around to look at him. She saw him staring at her intensely like some hero in a romantic movie of the 90s looks at the love of his life. She knew he loved her, although they had never said it to each other. She looked at him and saw the look in his eyes and smiled as she saw something else in his eyes too. Besides the I-am-in-love look that he had in his eyes, he also had this other look where he wanted to kiss her and she knew it all too well. Being the romantic guy that he was, he never seemed to have enough of kissing her and in a moment like this he always wanted to kiss. And he looked so cute with that look on his face that she couldn’t resist him either. She moved forward and kissed him on the lips.

Under the starry sky, with the sound of waves crashing in a rhythm that was music to their ears, with the cool wind breezing past them only bringing them closer and the sun now ready to rise in the sky to announce the new day, they kissed. As she started to let go, he pulled her back in; not ready to let go yet. He kissed her strongly and she responded back with the same passion that he exhibited. At first it was just a normal sweet kiss and then all the passion took over. They kissed for as long as they could only parting lips to let some oxygen in. They lingered for a moment. Their eyes were shut and their lips were still close to each other’s and they could feel each other’s breath in their mouth. When he had caught his breath, he gave a small but lasting peck on her lips to end the kiss and she smiled. Sometimes he just does everything the right way, she thought.

They opened their eyes and moved apart to face the sea again. It was morning. The darkness of night was washed away by the first rays of the sun and the sky was a light blue. It was a beautiful morning. ‘We kissed at night and that moment felt like eternity and when we parted away and opened our eyes, it was morning. That kiss converted the night into morning. It drove away the darkness out of my life and brightened my life. It was the most memorable kiss I have ever had and this has been one of the best nights of my life’ he said. She looked at him with an amused look, half smiling. He was and always has been the more romantic person in their relationship but even after dating him for all this time, she never actually got used to how he came with the cheesiest of things to say. She was happily amused. Looking at the amused look on her face, he added ‘Too much of my romantic, poetic shit for you to handle?’ feeling awkward at having said it in such a bad way when all he wanted to convey was a very basic feeling that she was very special to him. He knew that sometimes in his desperate attempt to be a romantic, he just said plainly stupid things. ‘No, no… nothing like that. The thought and the gesture were sweet, and the kiss was great and memorable too… and this has been one of the best nights of my life as well… but only if you had said it all in a better way…’ she trailed off. He smiled at her, glad to know that she felt the same way. ‘Well, in a fairy tale version of the story, I do say it in a better way’ he replied giving a weak defense for his stupidity.  ‘Well’, she started, leaning towards him at the same time, ‘this is the closest I have come to any fairy tale and I love every bit of it, including you’ she said. ‘I love you’ she added, before kissing him again. She hadn’t thought she would say it tonight. She wasn’t even sure if she loved him till before tonight but saying it to him made her sure of it. For a moment, it scared her – the realization of having said it and of admitting it but only till he leaned forward and kissed her with full intensity. After that, she just kind of forgot having ever said it.

It’s not love… It’s just a crush

When I tell people what I feel about a new crush of mine most of them go like ‘aww you are in love!’ Is love just that? Liking someone, feeling good when she texts you or wanting to be with her… is this love? Bullshit! This is just a crush. Either these people don’t know what love is or maybe I have explained my feelings to them in a misleading way. Sometimes I feel may be its not their fault because that is what the media and movies today tell us about love. You like someone, you love the way your heart flutters when you meet her, you feel you are the most funniest person on the earth when she laughs at your one liners, and you just wish you were special for her… this is not love, is it?

You cannot be in love with someone you don’t know very well or just had chatted with often or only met a couple of times. Love is way deeper than that. You cannot be in love with someone you like and wish to spend time with. Love has more to it than just liking someone. You cannot be in love with someone unless and until you have spent enough time together or shared happy and fun moments together or the sad and troubling moments for that matter. You cannot be in love unless you have been through the ups and downs of life together. You cannot be in love unless you have faced troubles in your relationship, had serious fights and thought it was over but still you fought for the relationship just because you wanted to! The young generation has so wrongly interpreted the meaning of love that they fail to truly understand it and appreciate it!

Love is a result of time spent together. It doesn’t happen overnight. This doesn’t mean that I don’t believe in love at first sight because I do; but that is a different thing. Love at first sight is an instinctive thing where you look at someone and something inside you says that, given the opportunity, you would date her and if she is willing, you could make the relationship work. Love at first sight is like Déjà vu to me, I can’t explain it but I can’t deny that it might happen.

Talking about my present crush well I don’t think it is love because I don’t know her too well. Yes, I like her and I think she is really pretty and sweet but I don’t love her. One of the most basic reason why I like her so much is that I think [yep I THINK] she likes me too! The way she talks with me and she behaves around me made me think so. May be this is all in my head. The thing is that I would like to take this feeling ahead one step at a time. Presently,  I would like to know her better, become a good friend of her, become very good friends with her then may be date her and be in a relationship with her and see how it goes but the problem is that I don’t want to promise anything. [A voice in my head is laughing and says ‘kuch nahi hone wala… sapne mat dekh :P’ but let us ignore that]. The thing is I would be totally okay even if we are good friends and that I think we will be!

But yeah, I will be making an effort towards being good friends and taking a step ahead if I feel like it. When I explain how I feel about her to my friends they think this is love. This is not love, is it? It is just a crush, JUST ANOTHER CRUSH, isn’t it?

PS: It is going to be really awkward when she reads this :/ Why the hell am I posting this in the first place?