Love isn’t complicated. Love is simple. I think (well, who am I to say anything about love but anyway) love is one of the most simplest thing in the world. Ok! May be not but it is a lot simpler than what everyone has portrayed it to be. Love is simple. It is we who complicate it. The idea of romantic love and the picture portrayed by it is what makes love complicated.
I once asked Shahrukh Khan to define love(in one of his ‘I’ll answer some of your questions now’ phases on twitter) and he replied with this: (Love is) fearlessly unconditional fondness beyond physicality.
I remember when love used to be simpler than it is today. As a child, love meant liking someone intensely. Yes, that is what love is to us when we are children(or may be it was just stupid me who thought of it in such simple ways) and well I can’t seem to be able to find anything wrong with that. That, in a nutshell, says everything about love. Earlier, people didn’t expect much from their lovers. It didn’t take much to fall in love then. If someone likes you, cares for your well being and wants the best things for you (happiness and all things good) that meant they loved you. Simple! May be that is why people didn’t make a big deal about love then and were happy with what they had and may be that is why lesser people broke up/got divorced.
But not today. Today, love is the most complicated things. Thanks to the movies, books, media and all the shitty television soaps out there people have a really weird opinion of love and a huge list of expectations from their ‘ideal lover’. He should be handsome, intelligent, should have a sense of humor, a hot body, should be in a rock band(probably a guitarist), should be filthy rich, should be honest, decent, caring, respectful and loyal and also… should be something different, you know? Yeah right! What different do you want now? Wasn’t that exhaustive list enough? For guys it doesn’t get any simpler. She should be pretty, sweet, cute, hot, sexy, should have a sense of fashion, should be intelligent, smart, should be a social person but not very, should get along with his friends, should be able to cook and take care of the house, should have those maternal instincts and should be able to take care of him and his family and shouldn’t make him spend lot of money and also, you know, she should be someone you can take home to your mom. Just die already, why don’t you? So many expectations, so many images of the ideal one, so many things people look forward to in their ideal lover that it is logically and statistically impossible to find someone who will live up to their crazy and unrealistic standards.
A while ago, I came about this question on Quora ‘Can you love someone who doesn’t like Quora?’ and although a lot of people on Quora are sensible and replied with ‘it doesn’t matter’ I still couldn’t stop thinking about how people just keep adding things on their checklist of ideal lover without a second thought. I mean how does it really matter if some one likes Quora or not?
People have weird notions about love. They want their lovers to have the same interests as them. For example they can’t be in love with someone who doesn’t like music or reading books or watching movies and other similar things. And just having similar interests isn’t good enough. People want their lover to even like the same sub-sets or genres in those fields of interests. How can I be in love with someone who doesn’t like rock music or doesn’t watch Game of Thrones or doesn’t like to watch rom-com movies? Why is it so important that your lover has to like all the things that you enjoy? And how boring will it become after a while? The shittiest and stupidest things that one hears go something like ‘broke up because he never liked her facebook profile pic’ or ‘not together anymore because she partied a lot’.
One other factor that has changed is that people earlier used to have lots of friends and so the expectations from a lover was less. Now, people expect everything that they should ideally expect from a friend, from their lover. If your lover doesn’t enjoy music festival, go with your friend. If your lover doesn’t enjoy watching Sex and the City or X-Men or whatever movie you want to watch, go watch it with your friend. Make more friends. You don’t have to do everything with your lover. Go out with friends. Your lover only needs to be a few things. They need to love you, be there for you during tough times, be there to celebrate your happy moments with you and stand by you no matter what. They don’t have to be a guitar player or a great cook to be your lover cause these things don’t affect your relationship in anyway except that you get to boast about it to your fake facebook friends.
Love is simple. Love has to be simple. As panda(one of my giant friend who loves food as much as Po, may be more) says ‘ Love is simple. If she can order a subway sandwich perfectly – with the right sauces and all- I’ll marry her.’ Ok! May be that is a little too much to expect from someone but you get the jest. Expect simple things from your lover – commitment, loyalty, freedom, personal space, support, care and love; don’t go into details. Love is the basic ingredient you need to make a good life. Everything else can be derived, learned and inculcated later on.